Finally, a card that says: “You deserve everything… even if you unhinge your jaw to get it.”
This birthday wish is for the bold, the deserving, and the cake-devourers. Perfect for anyone who knows life’s short, so eat the damn cake — candles and all.
Printed on 100lb white linen cardstock (5x7) and paired with a gum-seal, 80lb brown recycled paper envelope. Ships in 1–3 days after order processing. Total package weight: 0.7 oz (card, envelope, and protective sleeve).
All orders are processed within 1–3 business days (excluding weekends and holidays) after receiving your order confirmation email. You will receive a notification when your order has shipped.
In case of high order volume or supply chain delays, processing times may be extended. We will notify you via email if your order is affected.
Domestic Shipping
Item ships within 1–3 business days via USPS First Class Mail. Typical U.S. delivery time is 3–7 business days. Tracking included.
International Shipping
We don't off international shipping yet! Right now we’re U.S.-only while we get our ducks (and stamps) in a row. But stay tuned—we plan to go global-ish soon.